Live and Learn

You live and you learn. That’s the saying, right? Well, I’m definitely living. I think. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I’m stuck in the matrix and the real me is submerged in some weird liquid with a hose connected to the back of my head. As far as I can tell though, I am alive.

The learning part is harder to understand sometimes. This journey has been a whirlwind of decisions and shortcomings with a few moments of celebration mixed in. I feel like I’m making lots of mistakes. There are moments when lessons reveal themselves to me. Mostly when I’m not actively thinking about them. I just hope I have time to reflect on what we’ve done this year and make use of the things I’ve learned so we can improve. So we can make progress. I get scared that every time I make a mistake it means I’m not cut out for this journey I’ve set myself on. Because I’m not immediately successful, I’m not fit to be a leader. I fear I’ll run out of time and money and never get a chance to realize our potential at Beautiful Idiots LLC.

It’s a struggle sometimes to deal with those intrusive thoughts, but they only block progress. I have to find ways to force myself to push through those moments of doubt, because the truth is I don’t know what success will look like for us. I know what I want it to look like, and I can do everything in my power to push towards that vision, but there are always unknowable factors that will affect our outcomes. As long as I don’t stop, I win.

-J.P.