Six Days

I think that’s how long it was this time before had a breakdown.

You know what, I went to get my glasses, and now that I’m wearing them I’m feeling much more reasonable. It wasn’t a breakdown per se, but the pattern I’ve developed this year is to dive deeply into a chunk of the work we’ve set out to do this year, get to the last item on the to-do list and get overwhelmed by doubt, complain about everything that doesn’t feel like it’s working, then spend the next day trying to balance that negativity with a different perspective, and remind myself that I need to be patient. So, maybe not my best look.

I often wonder about this cycle. Is it really the only way I can keep myself motivated? It can’t possibly be the healthiest. Mental fortitude has kind of always been a focus area. I remember when I used to play CYO basketball at St. Mary’s Church in Fishkill. I was about 10 and my dad was my coach and there were two parts of my game that my dad would always harp on. I turned the ball over too much, and I always let my emotions get the best of me. When you play point guard, you have a responsibility to your teammates to run the offense and keep everything under control in order to find ways to win. I was a pretty dramatic little kid though, and it was hard for me to keep my cool. I wasn’t very good at hiding it either. A few hiccups early and I would be visibly upset. I’d play with a bad attitude, which would lead to rash decisions, which cause turnovers and would eventually cost us the game. I played sports all through high school. I learned this lesson over and over, game after game.

I had six good days before I let the game get the best of me again, but I’m working on it. I’m trying to run the point. The team needs me to keep my head on straight so we can convert these opportunities. When you’re tryna get buckets, you can’t let the game get the best of your head.

-J.P.